62. Shit I want to say at work

Buy this here

61. Shit I DID say at work

I need a drink.

Shit I want to say at work:
I need a drink an I'm seriously considering drinking the nip that's still in my purse from last weekend.

When did this happen? When did I become a person who would drink at work??

60. Shit I want to say at work

I'm not the intern.

59. Shit I want to say at work

To Boss:

If you don't know what I do how am I suppose to know if I'm doing everything I'm suppose to do?
or If I'm actually doing both my job and [Coworkers]??

58. Shit I want to say at work

I'm not 'like your sister'
and I'm not going to help you 'get some'

At least you don't think I like girls anymore.

57. Shit I want to say at work

Notice me.

56. Shit I want to say at work

Stay young?
You know what? You're right. What was I thinking? Let me just turn this aging switch off...

55. Shit I DID say at work

Just come home safe.

54. Shit I want to say at work

Not everything is about money.
I understand that it's important but a tragedy just happened and you're complaining that you didn't get overtime?

Way to let your true colors shine through buddy.

53. Shit I want to say at work

Yes, I am young but I might know a few things that you, a more experienced person, don't know. It goes both ways. Let's learn from each other instead of holding stupid grudges.

52: Shit I want to say at work

To My Boss's Boss's Boss:

Don't just listen to the first part of my question. Don't interrupt and go off in a whirlwind. When I come to you know that you are the last resort, the issue is important and usually involved. Listen to what the real problem is, don't get caught up in the insubstantial details.

51. Shit I want to say at work

You count the number of times I swear so you don't feel guilty when you do it in front of me?

You are fucking adorable.

50. Working at Murphy's Law Inc.

Murphy's Law Inc: -Jjane Doe, Esq
If there are two or more ways to do something and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone one will do it.
OR
Anything that can go wrong,
will go wrong.

I wore nice work clothes all week.
Why - now that it's Friday, the unofficial dress down day - when I'm only wearing this shirt because it's clean, do I attract attention?

49. Public Relations: Absolutely True Conversations

::the bookstore::

SEX BOOKS

We have several kinds of people looking for sex books:

• First you've got your teenage boy - he doesn't ask where it is but finds the erotica with his buddies and they start to giggle like tween girls. Give them a stern look and they shrink away.

• The Midlife-Crisis man buys his Letters to Penthouse and a porno mag (which is exactly where the teenage boys went after you scared them from books) 

• You've got your free spirited couples who know exactly where the books are and are completely unashamed. 

• and Then- before the 50 Shades Movement that made books like this 'Romance'- you have your Sex-and-the-City-Desperate-Housewife or your curious Co-ed who buys Anne Rice's The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. She'll ask you where the books are, She'll either be totally unembarrassed or say "my friend recommended it and says it's actually a really good book".
  and it's Anne Rice who am I to judge so I assure them that "that's what I hear

• and of course you have your oddball, it's usually female with dyed hair or a couple of piercings. They'll ask you where the books are and have some weird specific thing they're looking for and are more than willing to tell you about it. I think they don't really need help but are on a mission to either embarrass you or have the need to let someone know how 'cool' they are because they have a [insert sex toy / fantasy outfit / fetish]. What they don't know is that it truly doesn't bother you because as unique as they're trying to be, they're not. You even suggest they buy the book called FETISH with the black rubber cover. But you mostly suggest it because the book is a hard sell like the ugly car in Raising Helen you know and she wins a ham for selling it? 

•  and Lastly you have your overwhelmed Mothers, and Fathers, who need the other sex section. The 'Sex Talk' books: The My body's changing, my first period, am I normal?, how-the-hell-do-I-talk-about-this-to-my-kid books. And the poor parents are so grateful for you help and I feel for them, kids these days are getting mature younger and younger. 

But I was not prepared for this:

Customer: Mom and Daughter

Mom: Hi, I need a sex book for my son.
Me: So like puberty, birds and the bees?
Mom: No, instructional, you see my son is 16 and he's having trouble having sex with his girlfriend and we wanted to give him a book to help him out...Let me get this straight, Your sixteen year old son- and you're younger brother- needs help having sex with his girlfriend and you want to buy and then give him an instructional book on not only on the basics of how to have sex but how to do it better? This is not awkward AT ALL. I can't tell if I'm horrified that you're helping your son have sex, that you're worried about his performance, or that you alllll know about it? Now that's a close and caring and creepy family you got there. Take your Man's Guide to Better Sex and leave.

48. Shit I DID say at work

Why would you confront [another coworker]? It doesn't change the situation. It only makes you feel better and throws me under the bus.

[One of the very few times I said what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it and felt vindicated after saying it.]

47. Shit I want to say at work

I am not tech support, I just set up your session.
It's like asking me to fix the server when I only opened up Google for you.

46. Shit I want to say at work

Yes, I did go to bed at 1am.
I'm young, I do these things sometimes.
I was still here on time, Stop with the disbelief.

45. Shit I want to say at work

"It's really easy and really quick."

Really? then why can't you do it yourself?

44. Shit I want to say at work

I'm not the intern anymore!

43. Shit I want to say at work

You reward bad behavior,
call them names to their faces,
let them say up as late as they want,
do their homework for them...
and you TELL ME ABOUT IT
You are a horrible mom.

42. Shit I DID say at work

I'm doing my homework.

I then proceeded to have a conversation with this person discussing how it's easier to get things done at work, other than work.
We agreed that it's the distractions at home that keep us from doing things.

This person was my boss.
Awkward.

41. Shit I DID say at work

You've been a bitch all day today, you know? Kidding.

Shit I want to say at work:
NOT KIDDING!