85. Shit I want to say at work

Why are you angry about everything?
This is your job. Just deal with it.

84. Shit I want to say at work

That little thing you accidentally broke/dropped/forgot/lost cost money to repair/replace. If you knew how much it cost, had to pay out of pocket, or was in anyway invested in the equipment/supplies you use I bet it would somehow be found/not so easily forgetting/lost/broken.

83. Public Relations: Absolutely True Conversations

::Bookstore::

Phonecall: (with urgency in her voice) Okay this is very important do you have any books on unicorns?

Me: Yes we have a bunch. 

Phone: ok I'll be there soon.

We get phone calls like this all the time, they need a birthday gift, father’s day gift, book report due, summer reading list, my son never reads but likes this series, do you have it?

Woman mid 40’s - I need a book on unicorns –

Me: Ok follow me to the children section.

Women: No not a children’s book.

Me: Oh you must mean that new Young Adult book Zombies vs Unicorns

Women: NO (very frustrated) I need books on real unicorns.

I left her in the metaphysical section very upset that the only thing I could find was the Mythical Creatures Bible. It was as if last night a unicorn showed up at her door and it was crapping sherbert and throwing up glitter everywhere and she needed help.

82. Shit I DID say at work

Don't complain about the cleaning lady. She's very nice and does a good job.
You can deal with the sound of a vacuum once a week for 20mins.

81. Shit I want to say at work

I thought we were friends,
When I tell you something, it shouldn't become office gossip.

80. Shit I want to say at work

I am so unhappy.

79. Shit I want to say at work

Why is it whenever you ask me how I'm doing it's like my mom just died and you're checking in with me?

78. Shit I DID say at work

I have so much shit to do.
I think I'll clean my office. 

77. Shit I want to say at Work: Goodjob robot

Shit I want to say at Work: "Did you ever take a Managerial Course?"


I imagine it was a day long seminar and the only takeaway point that you remember was to periodically tell your employees that they're doing a good job. But I think you missed the point. 


Saying Good job whenever you walk by me does not constitute as "positive reinforcement"; it doesn't make me feel good about what I do.
When I ask 'what for' and you don't have a response...yeah


So far this month you've told me good job as I was:
cleaning my desk,------------------------ good job
organizing my folders, ------------------------good job
headed to the bathroom,---------------------good job
answering the telephone,---------------------good job
finding a lost case file,------------------------good job
changing the radio station, ------------------good job
knowing where the phonebook was,------good job
eating my lunch,------------------------------good job
starring at my computer screen,-----------good job
filling my bottle at the water cooler, ------good job

It's always the same. Same words, same inflection, same cadence.
Here's some advise, save those same 10 fake good jobs with the one that's genuine, just the one when it was well deserved with that lost file and recognized that I went out of my way and saved your ass and truly did do a good job. You don't have to say anything more, the good job would be enough if I knew that you meant it.

76. The Sound of Work

this is where I found it

75. Shit I want to say at work

I did not own a high res digital camera when I was in high school! We either had our ginormous camera that you had to buy film for or we used these bad boys:

I'm not as young as you think I am.

Also this was my first cell phone, that I didn't get until senior year of high school:

It was the coolest phone ever. You could play snake.

74. Shit I DID want to say at work

I told you to wear gloves.
I tell a coworker after showing me a red rash on his hands after accidentally spilling unknown chemicals on them.

Shit I want to say at work:
But if you get superpowers I'm going to be really jealous.

73. Shit I want to say at work

I am literally knee deep in files.
My office looks like Fort Xerox.
But let me enter in the numbers you want for that statistics project that you think is a good idea, but actually does nothing becuase you don't know how to calculate them,
I wasn't busy.

72. Shit I want to say at work

I get more done in the hour you're not here,
then I do all day.

71. Shit I want to say at work

The joke's on you,
I'm updating my resume as we speak.

70. Shit I want to say at work

Oh so now we're a team when the bosses say you have to take on more responsibility because I've been doing both our jobs. That's funny, It never occurred to you before to help do your job.

69. Shit I want to say at work

It hurts my feelings when you say the job has turned me cold.
It may be true, and other people may think and say it.

But it hurts when you do.

68. Shit I want to say at work

"Can't you just do it for me?"

No, I can't just.
If you don't want to do it, what makes you think I want to?

67. Shit I DID say at work

I'm really busy right now.

Shit I want to say at work:
I'm really busy filling out job applications.

66. Shit I want to say at work

Thank-you for finally realizing that our work place is not a dog-eat-dog world, That I am not your competition. We are an alliance. If we stick together more we can outwit, outlast, and outplay the rest of these idiots.

Not to mention you're better to bitch to than bitch about.

65. Shit I want to say at work

I know it's rude to be the one-upper in a conversation, but you need to be taken down a peg.

64. Shit I want to say at work

No.

63. Shit I want to say at work

If it takes you longer to dictate and explain to me when to write in a letter/note/email that I am sending out on your behalf than it would for you to actually type it up yourself...
You are wasting both our times.
Besides it's not the 1960's.
Do it your own damn self.