Friday, September 27, 2013
168. Shit I want to say at work
It's not that I don't like you, it's that I rather eat lunch with my computer than listen to your petty conversation.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
167. Shit I want to say at work
“Tattling” on me to the boss, and making him ask on your behalf doesn't make my answer change.
I can't make things miraculously appear. I wasn't lying to you.
I can't make things miraculously appear. I wasn't lying to you.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
166. Shit I want to say at work
How is it when I lose something it's my problem and when you lose something it's still my problem?
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
165. Shit I want to say at work
Yet another stimulating conversation about how your oldest kid is a bully. He torments his brother. (more than usually sibling rivalry from the stories you've told) You are his parent, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Friday, September 20, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
161. Shit I DID say at work: Absolutely True Conversations
Coworker: Hey, did you ever see the new Star Trek film?
Me: Khan!!!! Letting my inner Geek shine through.
Coworker 2 pops head up from cubical: Whoa this is a whole new side of you.
Me: Khan!!!! Letting my inner Geek shine through.
Coworker 2 pops head up from cubical: Whoa this is a whole new side of you.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
160. Shit I want to say at work
OMG stop complaining and blaming other people, you screwed up, deal with it.
Monday, September 16, 2013
159. Shit I did say at work
Coworker: [still trying to come up with solutions to a issue] Well how about...
Me: Oh, I gave up caring a 1/2 hour ago. It's not my emergency.
Me: Oh, I gave up caring a 1/2 hour ago. It's not my emergency.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Thursday, September 12, 2013
157. Shit I did say at work
I hate people.
All that they are and all that they represent...
...well except you.
All that they are and all that they represent...
...well except you.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
156. Shit I want to say at work
I know you've never had an Admin before but my job isn't to do your job.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
153. Shit I want to say at work
When you say there isn't a serial number on a piece of your equipment, do you mean it's not blatantly obvious and you can't read it without your reading glasses?
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
152. YW Advice and Words of Wisdom: Thanks for the Candy
Your whole life, there's always been that creepy, weird person somewhere
in your life. I guarantee it - that's just when we were little, then
you finally grow up.
Even now, at your job, there is a FREAK. There is a weird guy at every job that makes you Concernicus every time he's around - and the strange thing about it - it's the SAME GUY at every single job you go to, right? He's there, you quit, you go to the new job and you're like "Omigod, isn't that the guy from the other job?? That's the guy! The scary guy!! .....Why am I talking in such a high voice?? It's ridiculous! *whimper*"
I can describe the guy - I can tell you right now, I can list all the features of this guy. First of all, he's not a fat guy, he's not fat, you'd never say he was fat, but he is SHAPES. He's like an amoeba, he's always a different consistency, he's like a lava lamp type of individual. He walks around very slow, he's got that perfect orb front-ass "What is that?? It's PERFECT!!" It's like he's got a botanical garden, and he grows potatoes in his taint. "What IS that??" You wanna see it - but you DON'T. You wanna see it, but you're all set. Nobody talks to that guy, you don't talk to that guy. He's got the blue-blocker glasses on, you never see his eyes, he's got the pocket with the whole jubilee of pens - in case he has to write, a LOT, and nobody talks to that guy.
If you're in the break room with a couple of your friends, right, and you see him come morphing out of your periph, the second he comes in you're like, "Hey, you guys wanna get the fuck out of the break room? You guys wanna- what do you wanna do? Let's go up on the roof and breakdance. Let's just - Let's go behind the vending machine, can somebody *begins to hyperventilate* pull up the vending machind so I can go behind HERE?? MOVE the MACHINE, please!! PLEASE?!?"
Nobody talks to that guy, but let me tell you something - every job I've ever had in my life, I talk to that guy. I would talk to him - I would find him on purpose, and I would have little chit-chats with him, and I would be very interested, and I'd be like "By the way, here's a Snicker's, that's for you; peanuts, caramel, put that in your mouth, enjoy that." You know why I talk to that guy? Because when that day finally comes when he *PFF* snaps, and he comes in to work with a sawed-off shotgun, walking through the halls *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM* and he finally gets to my office he's gonna be like "*inhales deeply*.....Thanks for the candy" *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM*
You laugh now, but you KNOW Monday morning you're gonna be like "Hey Marcus. How was your weekend? What'd you do? Here, I bought you some pens for your crazy pocket. I know you love pens, and I happen to like pens too; we should talk about pens some day, just sit around talking about pens, inks, pens, caps, I love 'em."
Even now, at your job, there is a FREAK. There is a weird guy at every job that makes you Concernicus every time he's around - and the strange thing about it - it's the SAME GUY at every single job you go to, right? He's there, you quit, you go to the new job and you're like "Omigod, isn't that the guy from the other job?? That's the guy! The scary guy!! .....Why am I talking in such a high voice?? It's ridiculous! *whimper*"
I can describe the guy - I can tell you right now, I can list all the features of this guy. First of all, he's not a fat guy, he's not fat, you'd never say he was fat, but he is SHAPES. He's like an amoeba, he's always a different consistency, he's like a lava lamp type of individual. He walks around very slow, he's got that perfect orb front-ass "What is that?? It's PERFECT!!" It's like he's got a botanical garden, and he grows potatoes in his taint. "What IS that??" You wanna see it - but you DON'T. You wanna see it, but you're all set. Nobody talks to that guy, you don't talk to that guy. He's got the blue-blocker glasses on, you never see his eyes, he's got the pocket with the whole jubilee of pens - in case he has to write, a LOT, and nobody talks to that guy.
If you're in the break room with a couple of your friends, right, and you see him come morphing out of your periph, the second he comes in you're like, "Hey, you guys wanna get the fuck out of the break room? You guys wanna- what do you wanna do? Let's go up on the roof and breakdance. Let's just - Let's go behind the vending machine, can somebody *begins to hyperventilate* pull up the vending machind so I can go behind HERE?? MOVE the MACHINE, please!! PLEASE?!?"
Nobody talks to that guy, but let me tell you something - every job I've ever had in my life, I talk to that guy. I would talk to him - I would find him on purpose, and I would have little chit-chats with him, and I would be very interested, and I'd be like "By the way, here's a Snicker's, that's for you; peanuts, caramel, put that in your mouth, enjoy that." You know why I talk to that guy? Because when that day finally comes when he *PFF* snaps, and he comes in to work with a sawed-off shotgun, walking through the halls *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM* and he finally gets to my office he's gonna be like "*inhales deeply*.....Thanks for the candy" *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM*
You laugh now, but you KNOW Monday morning you're gonna be like "Hey Marcus. How was your weekend? What'd you do? Here, I bought you some pens for your crazy pocket. I know you love pens, and I happen to like pens too; we should talk about pens some day, just sit around talking about pens, inks, pens, caps, I love 'em."
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
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