Your whole life, there's always been that creepy, weird person somewhere
in your life. I guarantee it - that's just when we were little, then
you finally grow up.
Even now, at your job, there is a FREAK.
There is a weird guy at every job that makes you Concernicus every time
he's around - and the strange thing about it - it's the SAME GUY at
every single job you go to, right? He's there, you quit, you go to the
new job and you're like "Omigod, isn't that the guy from the other
job?? That's the guy! The scary guy!! .....Why am I talking in such a
high voice?? It's ridiculous! *whimper*"
I can describe the
guy - I can tell you right now, I can list all the features of this guy.
First of all, he's not a fat guy, he's not fat, you'd never say he was
fat, but he is SHAPES. He's like an amoeba, he's always a different
consistency, he's like a lava lamp type of individual. He walks around
very slow, he's got that perfect orb front-ass "What is that?? It's
PERFECT!!" It's like he's got a botanical garden, and he grows potatoes
in his taint. "What IS that??" You wanna see it - but you DON'T. You
wanna see it, but you're all set. Nobody talks to that guy, you don't
talk to that guy. He's got the blue-blocker glasses on, you never see
his eyes, he's got the pocket with the whole jubilee of pens - in case
he has to write, a LOT, and nobody talks to that guy.
If you're
in the break room with a couple of your friends, right, and you see him
come morphing out of your periph, the second he comes in you're like,
"Hey, you guys wanna get the fuck out of the break room? You guys wanna-
what do you wanna do? Let's go up on the roof and breakdance. Let's
just - Let's go behind the vending machine, can somebody *begins to
hyperventilate* pull up the vending machind so I can go behind HERE??
MOVE the MACHINE, please!! PLEASE?!?"
Nobody talks to that guy,
but let me tell you something - every job I've ever had in my life, I
talk to that guy. I would talk to him - I would find him on purpose, and
I would have little chit-chats with him, and I would be very
interested, and I'd be like "By the way, here's a Snicker's, that's for
you; peanuts, caramel, put that in your mouth, enjoy that." You know why
I talk to that guy? Because when that day finally comes when he *PFF*
snaps, and he comes in to work with a sawed-off shotgun, walking through
the halls *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM* and he finally gets to my
office he's gonna be like "*inhales deeply*.....Thanks for the candy" *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM* *CH-CHK, FOOM*
You
laugh now, but you KNOW Monday morning you're gonna be like "Hey
Marcus. How was your weekend? What'd you do? Here, I bought you some
pens for your crazy pocket. I know you love pens, and I happen to like
pens too; we should talk about pens some day, just sit around talking
about pens, inks, pens, caps, I love 'em."
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