Wednesday, July 31, 2013

128. Public Relations: Absolutely True Conversations




::Bookstore::
I walk by and get accosted by an angry woman in the Children’s Craft Section: Why are all the sewing books for girls? All my grandson wants to do it make some socks!
I'm sorry that there is so much sexual dimorphism in our society, and that's got to suck sometimes, but it's not my fault, I just work here, and honestly from the sounds of your grandson if he's so keen on sewing he probably won't mind that the cover is pink. 
--Coworker comments "stupid women, you don't sew socks, you knit them."

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

127. Terms of Employment: PFM

PFM

When I say that our office has a big printer, I mean big.


That’s my hat if it gives you any kind of scale.
We rarely use it, but when we do it’s for something important and pressing.
So when it breaks, it’s really bad.
Now like I’ve said before I’m average with a computer and I excel at common sense, so on my own I can “turn it off and on again” and check any blinking lights, as well as read the manual . 
But with this particular error I had done everything I could do on my own and as much as the IT guy could help me over the phone, so we had to schedule a visit.
The next day he came out, walked in the room, turned the thing on – EXACTLY what I had been doing for the past 24 hours.
And it’s fine.
I couldn’t explain it to him.

“No worries” he assured me.
And on his ticket under ‘Diagnosis and Repair Notes’ he wrote: P F M.
“PFM?”  I asked
“You are the first person to ever question what that was?” He said “Even my boss-who has seen me do this a hundred times- has never once questioned what it is I’ve done.”

So what is it?
Pure Fucking Magic.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Thursday, July 25, 2013

124. Shit I want to say at work


Shit DID say at work: I just told you that I left the lunchroom because I didn’t want to talk about dead animals.Why did you check in with me in my office and continue talking about dead animals with me: the news story you saw, the book you read. I don’t want to hear about it!

Shit I want to say at work: I don't care if it was only a dead rabbit. You have no idea that I was traumatized by a dead rabbit when I was 5 
Dead people? Fine.
I can talk dead people with you all day, anytime. I grew up eating dinner while watching autopsies on the TV.  
Dead animals and I have to leave the room.

Monday, July 22, 2013

121. Public Relations: Absolutely True Conversations


::Bookstore::

Lady at check out: oh cool carabiners
Me: yeah it’s a good keychain.
Lady’s Friend: yeah but they’re not real carabiners, like they couldn't hold your weight. Trust me I have a broken bed at home to prove it, if you know what I mean.
No I surely do not know what you mean.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Thursday, July 18, 2013

119. Shit I want to say at work

Trust me, I know that double standards suck,
and being a women in your position is hard.
But there is a fine line between being in control and being a bitch.
and you do not know how to walk it. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

118. Shit I want to say at work

You know there’s an age gap when you talk about your kids and the only point of reference I have is my own childhood. I cleverly disguise it by talking about my ‘younger brother’s’ experiences.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

114. Public Relations: Absolutely True Conversations


::Bookstore::

Teenage Daughter: Mom, Isn’t this the book you wanted?
Mom: (in a whisper) Yes, but that’s one I'll get on my e-reader.
Teenage Daughter: (in a mock whisper) Why are you whispering?
Mom: (still in a whisper) We’re at a bookstore, I don’t think we’re suppose to talk about e-readers. Teenage Son: (picks up book and shouts) Dobson! Dobson! We've got Dobson here, see nobody cares. 

Used obscure movie quote to make a point? New favorite customer period